Category Archive

OK, so it’s not technically Bonfire Night just yet, but some friends of ours asked us to go to their children’s school’s firework display tonight.

It was the usual affair but done very early evening and at the end of the impressive firework display the three or four main helpers (our friend included) assisted in torching the huge stack of pallets readily prepared for the grand blaze.

Things took a while to get burning and, clearly in frustration, one of the guys (not our friend) decided to introduce a can of petrol to the proceedings. Nothing wrong with that, despite what the worry-mongers may tell you. The trouble is that this chap poured the petrol a little close to the small flames and petrol, being of the particularly flammable persuasion, did what nature designed it to do and immediately ignited the entire can.

I’d taken my daughter round to a quieter part of the fire’s perimeter to watch it being lit and so we had a clear view as the all too predictable events unfolded.

It seemed to happen in the blink of an eye but this chap (his name was, ahem, Dick) immediately dropped the can of petrol in shock, an act of impulse we can probably allow him. Suddenly realising that a can of petrol was lying aflame next to a bonfire of ever increasing proportions, he panicked and, once more acting on impulse, with a deft side swipe kicked the can away from the burning pallets.

This was to be the move that could easily have spelt his demise.

Children, if you’re reading, don’t ever, ever, EVER even think about kicking a burning can of fuel.

As was to be expected, the petrol simply sloshed over everything in the immediate vicinity (or ‘Dick’ to be totally precise) and instantly ignited.

You know those stunt scenes you see where some idiotic guy who (I hope) is being paid more money than he has common sense gets wrapped in several dozen layers and then torched, only to instantly drop to his knees and be hosed by several dozen hired hands brandishing extinguishers?

Yeah, well this wasn’t like that at all, principally as the only hired hands around were other firestarters and all they brandished where further weapons of ignition.

Best they don’t get too close, then.

Our friend Dick, clearly well versed in the survival skills of a man suddenly realising he is the human embodiment of fuel-soaked tinder wood, fell to the ground and rolled around as though his life depended on it (which, strangely enough…).

All joking apart (and I obviously wouldn’t be joking were the outcome any different), Dick managed to put on a decent spectacle but really only burnt off petrol vapour, albeit in spectacular fashion. Once that had gone, he went out like a good ‘un. Thank God.

Dick was last seen having a drink and something closely resembling a laugh with his family and friends, the orange glow from the now well-established pyre barely revealing a singe on his clothing. Our friend, who witnessed the entire incident from immediately close quarters, stated that it was almost miraculous that Dick came out of it so unscathed and I can concur. At one point he was almost fully aflame, for heaven’s sake!

I think Dick may be talking about this one for some time to come. We can probably allow him that indulgence.